From the moment you are born, you are primed to accept truths about how to live.
Cry, and you are fed. Crawl, and you arrive at your destination. Misbehave, and you are disciplined. Attend school, sit quietly, raise your hand, and get good grades to receive a flood of rewards. Apply to post-secondary and select a degree, and the relatives are impressed at Easter brunch. Graduate, get hired at your dream job, marry your sweetheart, buy a house, have kids, retire, and… can you guess what comes next?
It’s as if you have sauntered up to the white board at the front of class and solved that elusive math equation. You have checked off all the boxes. You have done what you are simply supposed to do.
You are subliminally fed the formula of life through a series of rewards and punishments.
However, no one speaks of the uneasy lull that happens when: a) you are currently between chapters while completing your predetermined stages, or b) you refuse to take notes from an impalpable handbook dictating how and when you should live your life.
It’s uncomfortable. You can spend so much time looking forward to and chasing after a dream or goal that you forget to be present and enjoy the now. When you achieve said dream, what comes next? You might reap the benefits for a little while, but then you realize your nakedness when you are stripped bare of purpose. And because you don’t know how to relish in the moment, restlessness ensues.
Suppose that you have been wanting to move to a new city. You have scrimped and saved, refused to become too burdened with furniture that will inevitably require selling, and constructed an emotional wall so as not to fall in love before settling into your dream destination.
When you finally up and move, you feel like you’re on top of the world. You did it! The sense of accomplishment gets you out of bed each morning as you begin to build your new life. After a few months, however, the novelty begins to wear off.
See, human beings are unique in that we are the only species concerned with whether our lives have purpose and meaning. You literally can’t not crave new goals. Check one off and another replaces it. So, why rush? Every time that you rush – whether it be speeding through traffic, wolfing down a meal, or mindlessly hurrying from one task to the next – you are essentially hurtling towards death. They say that life is short, and yet it is the longest thing that we will experience… that is, if you are present and actually living it.
Nature is an excellent model in taking its time. The swell of the ocean ebbs and flows as waves drain away before rolling and crashing onto shore. The seasons shift from fall to winter to spring to summer. Leaves fall and new growth emerges. The moon wanes and waxes. The sun sets and rises.
Without what appears to be scarcity, there would be no abundance.
We, too, ebb and flow. Resources, assets, thoughts, relationships are insufficient before they are substantial. This is why in mindfulness we are told to “trust the process.” Release control. Surrender to possibility. Success is not a straight line, but rather a series of squiggly valleys and mountains.
Perhaps you might consider that completing a goal or finishing one stage of life is you in flow, and that awkward lull that inevitably comes afterward is you in ebb. In other words, growth and character development occur when you are no longer who you used to be, but you are not yet where you want to be.
An excellent example of this is when one goes through a breakup. There is an immediate and compelling temptation to act: to send a message, hit the block button, rush to the hairdresser, attempt to make amends, attempt to move on.
It is best not to fight it. Instead, you can try sitting with it. Become comfortable with it. Non-reactivity is the act of observation without being caught up in creating internal narrative or acting on external cues.
Being in ebb allows for you to become a blank canvas. The world of possibility before you is an immense blessing. When you enter flow, you can begin to paint the picture of how the next chapter of life looks.
You know that the next stage will arrive, and you can choose to be present in each moment until then. Don’t rush, for life is rushing already. Prepare during the time that you are in ebb: educate yourself, pursue optimal health and wellness, prioritize rest, build relationships, develop resilience.
Put your head down. Be here now.
When the time comes, you will be ready.
